As we are approaching January 1st, we begin that old tradition of making promises to ourselves for the next 12 months ahead. Most of them, regardless of the difficulty level, get frustrated even before the end of the first month of the year. Quit smoking, eating healthier, exercising every day, cut off the gossip, save more money… And the list goes on. Truth is, my friend, that we don’t need a date to start whatever our goals are.
This year was rough, but it taught me a lot. I found myself comfortable in my own skin, I learn a lot about myself, I made amazing connections and one, in particular, made me realize what the hell I was doing with my life. And for that, I will be always thankful. What happened next is what you see: I am doing something I always dreamt about doing, but I was too scared to do it.
When I was a teenager, drowning in my hormones and mental confusion, I used to keep a notebook with me most of the time. I remember that I understood my own healing process when I was around 12 years old, with writing. So, having some paper and pens in my backpack was very helpful. Ever since those times, I recognize that I don’t overcome anything without writing about it. It’s a passion that heals me – and I feel lucky to express myself so easily with this. If you have ever been important to me on some level, I have written about you some other time. You will never know it unless I want you to.
I started out by writing lyrics – to instruments I cannot play – and I have never stopped. There is another notebook, this one I proudly keep, that was completely fulfilled with lyrics and poetry from my darkest – yet happiest – times. There is not a single empty page in it. Until this day, there are some things I wrote that make me really proud and surprised at the same time. There are some other things that I am happy no one ever read because it is the most idiotic thing I have ever read. You can’t win all the time. Then, I started writing small stories, I have started many (many!) books, but never finished them, I wrote some screenplays, I had more than 15 blogs just for fun (sometimes, more than 3 at the same time)… Still, I couldn’t see it.
When the time came for me to pick my career, I got so confused with external pressure. People were worried about my well-being, and I appreciate them for doing that with much love, but it got me blinded by other people’s opinions and I felt like I owed them loyalty. So I pick a career that had absolutely nothing to do with me, but it was most likely to pay my bills. I was unhappy for years until I transitioned to something much closer to what I really love doing. Don’t get me wrong, I love Public Relations and Communications, and I feel like this is the right fit for me. But I started to wonder why do I love it so much.
I get to connect with people through my favorite form of creation. Writing about anything, really, makes me feel so abundant it’s actually hard to explain with assertiveness. I get to build relationships through writing, I get to learn to spread a message, I get to teach, I get to tell stories, I get to write. Writing is my passion, the one, and only. But I was too afraid of letting people know about it, too afraid of being judged or even to succeed (go figure). Well, 2020 came to wash me clean of my fears because, let’s be honest, if you didn’t freak out during this year, you lived it wrong.
So this is it. I have decided to figure out how far can I get with writing. I always wanted to be a writer and seems like now is the perfect timing to do so. I have denied myself for much too long, now it’s time to turn some tables around. Am I scared? Terrified. But I will do it anyway. Will I publish a book, write a novel, be hired as a screenwriter for the next hot topic sitcom after Friend’s milestone? I don’t know… Maybe, if I am lucky enough, but this will never be the point. The point is that I am doing what I love and even if it leads me to nowhere, materialistic speaking, it has already lead me to do something that makes me happy just for doing it.
For 2021 I want to keep being grateful and keep on writing with all my heart, as I am doing it right now. This is my biggest wish… For now 😉